Oh how I long to be with The Father. Dealing with this same ol’ bullcrap world system we liv’n in just… gets… old. I aspire to be more than just a freak’n robot.
1) Wake up.
2) Go to work at some dead end job that don’t give a crap about you, just their quotas and numbers.
3) Try your damnedest to NOT get fired from the very job that you really don’t want to be at anyhow because you have to pay your freak’n bills, bills, and MORE DOGGONE BILLS!
4) Come home from work and try not to bring the job home and find a way to smile at your loving family so there’s no tension in the house… Now that’s work, HA.
5) Try and enjoy your family before bedtime, yet when you manage to crawl into bed only a couple hours before your alarm goes off to
6) Do it all again and again and again.
I’m exhausted, I’m wore out, I’m drained, I’m so tired. I’m so tired of knowing what to do and not doing it. I’m so tired if knowing what to say and not saying it. Im so tired of searching for jobs and applying for jobs that don’t even have the decency to tell me I don’t measure up. I’m so tired of going to job interviews that wanted me when they read my resume but met me in person and decided I’m suddenly “not quite what we’re looking for”.
Is it cause I’m black?! Equal opportunity my black behind!
Im so tired of taking my family for granted! I’m so tired of being on fire for The Lord and then hit hard times and fall off as if I never experienced His goodness or witnessed His miracles! I’m so tired of trying to “keep it real” until it feels fake!
I’m so tired!
I do realize that what does matter is:
1) I have a solid relationship with The Creator of the Universe through His son Jesus the Christ.
2) That I live and cherish my wife and my children.
3) Care for those around me and help when I can and point them to Jesus so they all have salvation.
4) Most importantly in relation to 3, walk it out so people know that my walk is real and not just repetitive, religious, robot nonsense.
At this point I’ve realized that I’ve accomplished nothing really. My college degree and certificate mean nothing. Having good credit means nothing. Paying my debts and bills, ultimately, mean nothing. None of my Earthly pursuits mean squat to God if they don’t line up with His plan for my life. We can keep try’n to fool ourselves into believing that we can do great things without God’s hand in our lives if we want to but, we know that we have all experienced something in our lives that was unable to be explained with science or logic.
I surrenders my self centered self to Your guiding hand Lord. Grant me the wisdom to do the things I know not how to do and to know the things I know not. Grant me O’ Lord the discernment to know that it’s you and Your Holy Spirit moving in my life and not a deception of the enemy. Strengthen me O’ Lord for the days ahead to be who You have purposed me to be.
In the saving name of my Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ, Amen.